Defense Department Studies Families Mourning Service Members

By Lisa Daniel

American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON  – The Defense Department’s Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences is conducting the nation’s first large-scale study of the impact of a service member’s death on surviving family members.

The university’s Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress, based in Bethesda, Md., received funding through DOD’s Congressionally Directed Medical Research Program to conduct the five-year study to fill a void in understanding the myriad ways families are affected by a service member’s death ranging from the emotional impact to loss of benefits, Dr. Stephen J. Cozza, director of the center’s child and family program and a principal investigator of the study, said today.

“This is an opportunity for recognizing that military service has certain unique challenges, certain strengths, certain risks or potential protective factors,” Cozza said in an American Forces Press Service interview. “So this is an important opportunity to really understand the experiences of surviving family members and by understanding, to inform future policies.”

In the first phase of the National Military Bereavement Study, the center is seeking about 3,000 participants through its website whose family member died while on active duty since 9/11, Cozza said, noting that several hundred participants already are lined up. One-third of those deaths have been combat-related, one-third have been from accidents, and a significant number have been from illnesses and suicide, he said. The study will include any causes of death, and participants may be spouses or ex-spouses, parents, siblings or children by birth, marriage or adoption.

Participants will be asked to fill out a questionnaire in the study’s first phase. Then, they will be asked if they and their families will participate in the second phase, which studies families, including children ages 6 to 18, with in-person interviews.

In the first phase, participants also will be asked if they are willing to provide a saliva sample to provide genetic information to help understand whether a genetic factor applies to risk and resilience, Cozza said.

“Most people after a death – adults or children – have clear and significant mourning,” he said. “Over time, most return to healthy functioning, even if they continue to harbor grief and sadness. … But there does seem to be some population of adults and children where there are more complicated courses of bereavement. … We want to understand the likely risk factors for that.”

The study will follow families over the course of two years to understand how bereavement changes over time, Cozza said, adding that investigation of families isn’t well-known in the civilian world either.

“No two people’s experiences are the same,” Cozza said. “We really want to give as broad a description of these surviving family members as possible in all these relationship categories.”

The center has several nonprofit partners with the study, including the National Military Family Association, the Military Child Education Coalition, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors and others.

Dempsey Lauds New Generation at Gold Star Mothers Gala

By Amaani Lyle

American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, June 25, 2012 – The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff lauded the sacrifices and dedication of modern-day service members during remarks at the American Gold Star Mothers 75th annual national convention gala here last night.

“We’re building on a foundation of greater strength than probably at any time in our history,” Army Gen. Martin E. Dempsey said.

The chairman recalled the 17-year gap between his own graduation from the U.S. Military Academy in 1974 and his first combat experience in Operation Desert Storm in 1991.

“There was a time in the intervening years when you do wonder … is the fabric tough enough?” the chairman asked. “Will we have courage like our predecessors did? Will we be willing to sacrifice?”

Now, the chairman said, the answer is clear.

“If we can’t answer that question in the affirmative now, we’re just not paying attention,” he said. “The kids that are out there are courageous, they’re selfless, they’re smart, they’re dedicated, and they’re just irrepressible -- they will do anything to take care of this country and what it stands for.”

On June 4, 1928, a group of 25 mothers met in the District of Columbia to plan a national organization that would be later known as the American Gold Star Mothers to honor mothers of those killed while in the armed forces, to promote patriotism and to assist veterans.

Gold Star Wife Grateful for White House Tribute

By Elaine Sanchez
March 5, 2012

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a “solemn tribute” to Iraq war veterans — including those who made the ultimate sacrifice — with a dinner last week at the White House. Among the star-studded generals and troops in formal uniforms was Kim Felts, the only Gold Star wife at the event.

Seated at a table next to the first lady and surrounded by Iraq war veterans and their wives, Kim said she felt humbled and grateful. “I felt like [our nation’s leaders] were saying, ‘We want to honor your husband in this way,’” she said in an interview Friday.

Kim’s husband, Army Col. Thomas H. Felts Sr., was killed Nov. 14, 2006, in Baghdad when an explosive detonated near his vehicle. He was 45 years old.

The dinner, held Feb. 29, included about 80 war veterans and their wives and senior defense officials including Defense Secretary Leon E. Panetta and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Army Gen. Martin E. Dempsey. They were there in honor of the more than 1 million U.S. service members who served in Iraq from 2003 to the end of operations in December.

Kim, a Special Forces Command family readiness program specialist at Fort Bragg, N.C, brought her two younger children, Rebekah and Thomas Jr., to the event. The teens were nervous and excited, she said, as they pulled up to the White House that evening.

As people mingled, Kim and her children meandered through several rooms of the White House, fascinated by portraits of past presidents and other elites. Her daughter, a fashion buff, was on the lookout for Jackie Onassis’ picture, while her son was drawn to Benjamin Franklin’s portrait. They then joined a reception line to greet the president and first lady.

Kim shook the president’s hand and received a big hug from the first lady, but it was her daughter who stole the thunder, she said. When the president met Rebekah, he said her dress, with its long organza train, was “spectacular.” “My daughter is such a ‘fashionista,’” Kim said, laughing.

The Felts family took their seats next to the first lady, who immediately put everyone at the table at ease, Kim said. They chatted for a few minutes about family resilience, she said, and Kim’s work with Special Forces’ Gold Star wives back home. “She expressed she cares so much for Gold Star families, and thinks about them and their sacrifice so often,” she recalled.

They also discussed the first lady’s Joining Forces campaign, intended to rally the nation’s support for military families, and how the White House can leverage the initiative to support Gold Star families.

In his remarks, the president honored the sacrifices of all military families, including the families of the fallen.

“You taught us about sacrifice — a love of country so deep, so profound, you’re willing to give your life for it,” he said. “Tonight, we pay solemn tribute to all who did.”

Felts said one of the highlights of her evening was meeting Marine Corps Lt. Gen. John F. Kelly, senior military advisor to the defense secretary, whose son was killed in Afghanistan in 2010. They had an instant connection, she said. “There’s a camaraderie between survivors,” she said. “Not a word needs to be said when you know someone shares the loss of a loved one.”

Felts said the dinner’s concept was honorable, but she’d prefer hold off on further celebrations until all deployed troops – including her son-in-law, who is deployed in Afghanistan – return home.

Still “I did feel the gratitude of the government and that goes a long way,” she said.

Honoring Battle of Midway, Gold Star Families, USS Constitution Gets Underway

By Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class (SW/AW) Frank E. Neely, USS Constitution Public Affairs

CHARLESTOWN, Mass. (NNS) -- USS Constitution hosted approximately 200 members from Gold Star Families during an underway Battle of Midway commemoration from the ship's berth in Charlestown, Mass., June 3.

The ship honored Gold Star Families — families who lost loved ones in Operations Enduring and Iraqi Freedom —and also honored the Navy's victory at Midway Island during World War II.

"I am excited that we are able to host several families in recognition of their fallen service members," said Cmdr. Tim Cooper, Constitution's 71st commanding officer. "Honoring those who sacrificed so much in defense of our nation is such an easy thing and one that my crew and I are privileged to do."

The ship got underway after morning colors, shortly after 8 a.m. Cmdr. Jonathan Smith, a Navy chaplain, next gave the invocation. Then USS Constitution Command Master Chief Roxanne Rhoades, and Rear Adm. Nevin Carr, Chief of Naval Research and Director, Test and Evaluation and Technology Requirements; commemorated the Battle of Midway by tossing a wreath into the ocean over Constitution's side.

Sailors then offered tours of the ship to all Gold Star Families and guests.

"My husband and I are big history buffs," said Alma Hart, member of Gold Star Families and resident of Bedford, Mass. "We were definitely excited about being invited and honored that the families of the fallen were thought about. It's important too; the families get together and bond. My son, John, also loved sailing. He would have loved this opportunity."

Hart's son was Pfc. John Hart of 1st Battalion, 508th Infantry Regiment, 173rd Airborne Brigade, U.S. Army. He was killed when his patrol was ambushed with rocket-propelled grenades and small-arms fire in Taza, Iraq, Oct. 18, 2003. He was also the recipient of the Bronze Star and Purple Heart Awards.

"Yes, it was a great honor to welcome them [Gold Star Families] aboard," said Aviation Electrician's Mate Airman Matthew DeAngelo, who helped coordinate the Gold Star Families' visit. "No one can ever fully repay these families for what they've had to go through. I can only hope this gesture of appreciation by getting underway with us lets them know we're aware of their losses, and we want to honor them and their sacrifices."

Finally, Constitution exchanged 21-gun salutes with Fort Independence on Castle Island. Fort Independence is a state park that served as a defense post for Boston Harbor at one time.

Constitution is the world's oldest commissioned warship afloat and welcomes more than 500,000 visitors a year.

Family Forum: A Pledge to Remember

By Deborah Mullen

American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, May 25, 2011 – Deborah Mullen, a Navy wife and mom and a military family advocate, has been married to Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, for 40 years.

“Please don’t ever forget my son.”

That’s what a Mom -- a Gold Star mother -- said to my husband recently.

“He was my only son,” she continued, “and he died doing what he loved. But please don’t ever forget him.”

Michael promised her that he wouldn’t. He and I hear that same entreaty and make that same promise each and every time we have the privilege of being in the company of Gold Star families. These proud Americans have lost so much, have endured such pain. And yet they ask nothing for themselves. All they want is for someone, anyone, to remember the life and the service of a loved one.

And so we carry with us the photos and memory cards of their sons, daughters, moms, dads, brothers and sisters. We wear bracelets engraved with their names. We visit their graves when we can, and attend their funerals. We remember.

Monday is Memorial Day. In Section 60 of Arlington National Cemetery, the families of our recently fallen will spend another holiday weekend at the grave of a loved one. They will not be alone. They will be surrounded by other Gold Star families from these and other wars who share with them the same sacrifice and loss, the same pride and even some of the same stories. They will comfort one another, even as they grieve for themselves.

There isn’t much the rest of us can do to assuage that grief. The pain of such loss is incalculable. But we can, and we should, promise them that we will remember those who lived and loved and fought for this country -- a young man or woman who, when duty called, performed that duty nobly and with passion. We can -- and we should -- take pains to remember also the special needs of surviving family members, especially the children. Theirs will be an extraordinary life.

If it’s true that a nation defines itself by those it honors, let us also define ourselves by those we support.

Senate Resolution Designates Gold Star Wives Day

By C. Todd Lopez

Army News Service

WASHINGTON, Dec. 7, 2010 – For the first time, America officially recognizes the contributions and dedication of military widows with ''Gold Star Wives Day.''

A Senate resolution designates Dec. 18, 2010, as a day to honor and recognize the contributions of the members of the Gold Star Wives of America Inc.

The group, with about 10,000 members, provides service, support and friendship to the widows and widowers of military personnel who died on active duty or as the result of a service-connected cause.

"This is the first year we've had a Gold Star Wives day. It's something that our government relations committee has been working on," said Kit Frazer, president, Gold Star Wives of America Inc. "It's national recognition for the organization, which is wonderful. It's something very special to us."

Frazer's husband was an Army helicopter pilot and was killed in Thailand during the Vietnam War. She said the organization represents military widows from every war since World War II.

Vivianne Wersel serves as the chairman of the Gold Star Wives government relations committee. Her husband, Marine Lt. Col. Rich Wersel, died Feb 4, 2005.

She said she hopes the observation brings awareness to the efforts of the Gold Star Wives.

"Part of it is public awareness, that the organization does exist and has existed since 1945, and the only time when we are really in the eye of the public is when we are on (Capitol Hill)," she said.

One of the issues Wersel said the Gold Star Wives would like to bring attention to is how widows receive benefits after the deaths of their husbands -- in particular, how dependency and indemnity compensation from the Department of Veterans Affairs affects a survivor's payments from the Survivors Benefit Plan.

Wersel said some are confused by what the organization is working for when they ask that the rules governing benefits be changed. She said it helps to understand that a military wife often gives up a chance to earn her own retirement benefits when she agrees to move with their husband's military career.

"When you are a spouse and you have to move ten times to ten states in ten years you don't get your own retirement," she said. "Your retirement is a team retirement."

She said one of the things Gold Star Wives of America Inc. works for is to bring attention to that issues, and she hopes the observation on Dec. 18 will bring attention to that effort.

Gold Star Mother Offers Inspiration, Hope

By Donna Miles

American Forces Press Service

FORT CAMPBELL, Ky., Nov. 29, 2010 – Just seven months after her 23-year-old son was killed in a helicopter crash in Iraq, and with three months left before her husband returns from his deployment to Afghanistan, Sheila Patton isn’t facing the holidays feeling sorry for herself.

Instead, she’s found a calling: helping to bring inspiration and hope to families of fallen soldiers at this post that’s suffered a heavy toll in combat losses since the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks.

Patton, the wife of Army Command Sgt. Major Gregory Patton, command sergeant major for the 101st Airborne Division’s 3rd Brigade Combat Team, feels the pain of her son’s death as if it had happened yesterday.

Army Staff Sgt. James R. “Jimmy” Patton, died April 18 during a combat mission in Tikrit, Iraq. The 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment soldier, based at Fort Benning, Ga., was serving his seventh overseas deployment since 9/11 that had included two previous tours to Iraq and four deployments to Afghanistan.

His mother learned of his death when a casualty assistance officer drove up to her in-laws’ home in Indiana while she was visiting to celebrate her father’s birthday.

Patton had every reason to feel alone at the time. Her children were at home near Fort Campbell and her daughter-in-law was with family in her native Ecuador, still unaware of Jimmy’s death. Her husband, who deployed to Afghanistan just two months earlier, had flown to Iraq to accompany his son’s body to Dover Air Force Base, Del.

Yet from the moment the notification officials delivered the heart-wrenching news, Patton said, she felt embraced by the Fort Campbell community. It continued as the family made plans to lay Jimmy to rest at Arlington National Cemetery, and after the senior Patton left just a week after the funeral to rejoin his fellow “Rakkasan Battalion” soldiers in Afghanistan’s Khost province.

“The support I have been given through the Fort Campbell community has been absolutely amazing,” she said. “They have been phenomenal in rallying to support my family. It’s been an absolutely heart-warming experience.”

Patton said she cries for her son every day and still feels the devastation of his loss. But she has also developed a sense of peace about his death that’s helped her cope and begin healing.

“I am a proud momma of a soldier who died fighting for his country and doing what he loved doing,” she said. “If he had to die before us that is the only way we could ever have accepted his death: to smile and be proud and honored that God thought enough of my son to make him a hero.”

Patton said she comforts herself “knowing God took my son for a bigger mission, because his mission on Earth was complete.”

Meanwhile, Patton has found a new mission as well: reaching out to other families struggling with their own losses as senior advisor to Fort Campbell’s Survivor Outreach Services program. The program is part of the Army’s effort to help and stay connected with families of the fallen.

As a Gold Star Mother and wife of a soldier serving in harm’s way, Patton recognizes she’s in a unique position to comfort families of the fallen. “I have been where they are, and I can share what they are feeling because I am going through what they are going through, almost simultaneously,” she said.

Patton shared her story as keynote speaker at a recent candlelight vigil honoring Fort Campbell’s fallen. As the crowd began to disperse, one mother who was having a particularly difficult time dealing with her own son’s combat death approached Patton. “You have given me hope,” she told Patton. “I just want you to know that.”

Patton said she’s not quite sure where she gets the strength to carry out what she’s come to see as a personal calling. “I guess God and Jimmy have given me the strength to do this,” she said. “Jimmy has a bigger mission in heaven, and I think this is my mission on Earth, to be able to share his story and offer hope to other families.

“If I can give one person hope that they can look at the loss of their soldier in a different light,” she added, “then that is one person I have helped.”

Pace Salutes Gold Star Families in Chicago

By Linda D. Kozaryn
American Forces Press Service

May 20, 2007 – The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff offered condolences here yesterday to families of fallen servicemembers, personally recognizing their sacrifice to the nation. Marine Gen. Peter Pace made no formal remarks during his visit with about 45 Gold Star family members at Gibson's restaurant. Instead, he and his wife Lynne slowly moved from table to table to personally greet each family member.

Kirk Morris, of Gurnee, Ill., a member of the Gold Star families, organized the event. His son, Marine Pfc. Geoffrey S. Morris, 19, was killed when his vehicle was struck by a rocket-propelled grenade in Ramadi, Iraq, on April 4, 2004.

Morris said there are now 156 Gold Star families in Illinois who all share the loss of a loved one in combat.

After meeting Pace during Memorial Day services last year at Chicago's Eternal Flame, Morris said he was happy to give the Illinois families a chance to meet the nation's highest-ranking military officer. He said he had found the general to be "an exceptionally sensitive and sincere leader, with a whole lot of understanding of what's going on."

"To the general," Morris said, "these men and women that fall are not just names. They're real people. Sometimes you don't get that feeling from a lot of our leaders. With the chairman, you know that he feels each and every one. Every drop of blood shed, the general feels is his."

Jim Frazier, of St. Charles, Ill., who lost his son in combat, said he draws comfort from the Gold Star organization. Air Force Staff Sgt. Jacob Frazier, 24, a Special Forces-trained member of the Illinois National Guard, was killed in a firefight in Afghanistan on March 29, 2003, when his unit was ambushed.

"It's a club that nobody wants to be a member of," Frazier said of the Gold Star families. "People in the general population lose loved ones all the time. Losing a child in war is very difficult. We know when we meet and hug each other, we understand each other."

"Memorial Day is a day for honoring our fallen," Frazier noted. "Unfortunately, for all of our families here, Memorial Day is every day."

Frazier gratefully acknowledged the chairman's visit. "He could have done something else today," he said. "He chose to be here with us."

Wade Kaiser, of Bloomington, Ill, said Pace's visit helped ease some of his family's pain and grief over the loss of their son. Marine Lance Cpl. Adam Kaiser, 19, was killed Dec. 1, 2005, in Fallujah, Iraq.

"For the general to take time out of his busy schedule to meet with us is an honor and a tribute to our son," Kaiser said. "It gives my family a great feeling - a sense of pride. I can't think of many things that would be more of an honor, more of a help to us."

Don and Kate Jansky, of Fox Lake, Ill., lost their son, Army Capt. Benjamin Jansky, 28, southwest of Baghdad on July 27, 2005. The couple said they are new to the Gold Star group, and they're looking forward to getting more involved.

"As we talk to the families," Kate said, "we find that their hearts are open. They give you a sense of belonging. They can relate. I'm sure we'll be able to share our happiness and our sadness as time goes by."

"It's something I think we need, too, because the healing hasn't started," Don said. "The wound is still there."

"I'm very proud that my son served," Don added. "He wanted to serve. He felt God was leading him that way and that's where he was supposed to be. But it's sad because he was a very young man and he left two daughters and a wife."

The Janskys also first met Pace during last year's Memorial Day ceremonies. "I was very surprised at how moved he was," Don noted. "That's a hard thing to have emotions and be able to be tough, too."

Petty Officer 3rd Class Daniel Maher II, of Gurnee, Ill., lost his brother, Marine Lance Cpl. Sean P. Maher, 19, of Grayslake, Ill., on Feb. 2, 2005, as a result of hostile action in Al Anbar province, Iraq.

"He willingly did what he wanted to do. I supported him for it," said Daniel, who is now stationed near his family.

Maher's mother Janet said she finds it very comforting to associate with other Gold Star family members. "They're the only people who get it," she said. "They're the only ones who understand. You can say anything in front of a Gold Star and it makes sense."

Maher affectionately remembered Lynne Pace from last year's Memorial Day service, when the chairman's wife consoled her.

"I couldn't see straight," she recalled. "She was very gracious. She turned my body away from the crowd and just held me. I didn't know who she was. She came out of nowhere. I was very grateful for her thoughtfulness. And I think she was crying harder than I was."

Turning to her toddler grandson, Braydon, who was born nine months to the day after Sean died, Maher smiled and said, "That's our circle of life, and what a joy he is."

Nancy Ebbers, of Bolingbrook, Ill., has lost two sons, both soldiers; Pvt. James Ebbers, 19, died Oct. 14, 2002, in Djibouti, Africa; and Army Spec. Matt Ebbers died in a car accident about three years after returning from Afghanistan in 2002.

Ebbers said the Gold Star families have been very helpful to her. "We get together a couple times a year at least," she said. "I really love meeting with the Gold Star families and hearing their stories. It puts mine in perspective."

Marine Maj. Lance Jackola, recruiting commander for the Chicago area, and Gunnery Sgt. Tim Kirk, a recruiting instructor for prior enlisted Marines, also attended the luncheon meeting.

"It's great that the chairman shows his support to the families, especially in a small, intimate setting where he can actually spend some time and talk, vice a large gathering where he really doesn't have time to sit down and talk to people," Jackola said.

"There are so many different events that he could be a part of, but he chose to come out here," Kirk said. "It's obvious it's very important to him to be here."

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