By Air Force Tech. Sgt. Carissa Lee
48th Fighter Wing
LAKENHEATH, England, April 5, 2013 – It's often said that joining
the military can change a person's life. For Air Force Master Sgt.
Michelle Blake, flight chief for medical readiness with the 48th Medical
Group at the Royal Air Force base here, joining the Air Force not only
changed her life, but also saved her life.
Air
Force Master Sgt. Michelle Blake, abused as a child, is now a volunteer
for the sexual assault response coordinator victims' advocate program.
U.S. Air Force photo and graphic by Staff Sgt. Stephanie Mancha (Click photo for screen-resolution image);high-resolution image available. |
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Blake has endured things that most people cannot imagine -- things
that began at the young age of 4, when she was sexually abused by a
family friend. She said that after the abuse was discovered, it wasn't
dealt with.
"I'm not sure if it was to hide it or to avoid embarrassment. ... Either way, it was kept quiet," she said.
Not being able to deal with what happened to her as a child caused her
to become a difficult teenager, she said. "All of the issues I had came
to a head,” she added. “My parents sent me to boarding school; I saw
them twice a year. That's not enough time or room to express yourself to
your family."
The daughter of a British father and an
Argentinean mother, Blake attended boarding school in Malaysia. "When I
was 15, I ran away back to England, and I met the man who would become
the father of my children," she said. "I met him in Ipswich, where I'm
from. He was 25. I didn't see a problem with that at the time, because
he made me feel like a grown-up. I clung to him. Soon after, the abuse
began. ... I didn't know where to go or who to ask for help, and I was
ashamed that it was happening to me, and I always hoped that every time
he hurt me, that would be the last time."
They married when she
was 18, and things went from bad to worse when they moved from England
to Savannah, Ga. Life was less than perfect.
"He didn't hold a
job, and we were living in shambles," she said. "We had little money,
little income. And then I found out I was pregnant with our second
child."
She described the abuse as "both physical and emotional.”
“Bruises heal and fade over time, but the emotional abuse, ... that
takes much, much longer,” she said. “He broke me. But the one thing that
kept my hope alive was my sons. I recall holding my youngest son one
night and telling him, 'I WILL get you out of here.'"
It was then
that she decided to join the Air Force, to provide a better way of life
for her children. After she arrived at Lackland Air Force Base, Texas,
for basic military training, she said, she began to notice her
self-confidence growing.
"It was as if I had a voice for the
first time in years," she recalled. "Basic training was enlightening for
me. I felt like I had an opinion for once -- that there was more to
life than what I had been doing with mine."
She made the decision
while at basic training to divorce her husband; however, she didn't
tell him until she arrived at Sheppard Air Force Base, Texas, for
technical training. As expected, he didn't take the news well.
"He showed up at Sheppard and he attacked me,” Blake said. “I ran away
from him. ... People saw this, but nobody stepped up to help. I ended up
running to my military training leader, and she locked me in her
office.
“She was a tiny little woman, but she stood up to this
bully,” Blake continued. “She was the first person to ever do that. The
cops came, and he was escorted off the base. In the end, the state of
Texas ended up pressing charges against him. He got two years’
probation, had to attend anger management courses and had a restraining
ordered filed on him."
For Blake, that signaled the start of a
new life for her and her sons. With the help of the Air Force's family
advocacy programs, she began to regain her emotional strength. It has
been a long journey for her, but she said that during the past 12 years,
she has seen definite changes for the better in the way the Air Force
educates its members about the importance of bystander intervention.
"I'm not sure it was a phrase people even knew back then [in 1999] when
this occurred,” she said. “Today, people are way more knowledgeable and
recognize the need to step in and stop things before they go from bad
to worse."
Blake said she also found comfort in becoming a
volunteer for the sexual assault response coordinator victims' advocate
program, by being a sounding board for others who had gone through
situations similar to hers.
"I wanted to tell them that it is NOT
their fault -- that no matter how lonely or afraid they were, there is
always somebody to listen, someone who wants to hear what you have to
say," she said.
Another positive that came from her involvement with the SARC program was meeting her husband.
"That is where I met my now husband, Tech. Sgt. Lucian Blake,” she
said. “He was a volunteer, and I helped him on a high school awareness
project. We became firm friends from the first day, and have been
together ever since. He has helped me a lot with my growth, both
emotionally and spiritually."
He also helped her find her voice.
As a teenager, Blake said, she found great joy in singing and music.
However, when her life entered the turbulent times, she added, she
couldn't even bring herself to turn on the radio.
"I stopped
singing and listening to music,” she said. “It didn't bring me joy
anymore. ... At that time, nothing did." But nearly 20 years later, she
found the courage to raise her voice in church.
"My oldest son
left for Lackland Air Force Base last week to begin his Air Force
career," she said. "Our church had a special send-off for him, and my
farewell gift to my son was to get up and sing solo for the first time
in two decades. It was a gift for him, but also for me."
With that, although her life has not come full circle, she said, she sees light now.
"I used to live in darkness, but now I'm excited to get up in the
morning each day to see what God has in store for me,” Blake said. “He
has protected me, and I can say for sure now that even if your voice is
tiny, somebody will hear you."