NHL Team Donates $100,000 to Help TAPS Families

By Army Sgt. 1st Class Tyrone C. Marshall Jr.
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON  – The National Hockey League’s Washington Capitals highlighted the club’s ninth annual military appreciation night yesterday with a six-figure donation to the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors program.

The TAPS program, founded in 1994, provides support for anyone who has suffered the loss of a military loved one, regardless of their relationship to the deceased or the circumstance of the death.

“It’s very important to have this kind of level of support for our families and members in uniform,” Navy Adm. James A. Winnefeld Jr., vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told Capitals co-owner Raul Fernandez. “I want to thank you and the Caps team for your continued support of our men and women in uniform. … We know that your support extends far beyond this. We’ve just heard about the very, very generous donation to TAPS. TAPS is a terrific program.”

In pregame remarks, Fernandez announced a donation of $105,742.76 to TAPS.

“The donation tonight is just absolutely fantastic for those family members,” Winnefeld said. “It just reflects the tremendous generosity of the Caps organization and the fact that they recognize that there is goodness being a responsible member of the community, as well as a hell of a lot of fun as a sports franchise.”

Rene C. Bardorf, deputy assistant secretary of defense for community and public outreach, attended military appreciation night and praised the Capitals organization.

“Your support of military families is just to be applauded,” she said. “Your salute to military is very fitting for this evening, but as you have mentioned, it doesn’t begin and end here tonight. What’s wonderful about the Caps program is that it’s a fully integrated program that doesn’t just involve giving tickets to service members to come and enjoy a game. It goes far deeper than that.”

For example, she said, the organization uses its fan base to raise public awareness for service members and their families as they reintegrate back into communities.

Bardorf joined the vice chairman in expressing her appreciation for the large donation to TAPS.

“We need this collaborative effort between government and private sector in order to support our military families and ensure they have successful futures for the rest of their lives,” she said.

The vice chairman noted that troops around the world who are NHL fans likely were watching the game with great appreciation.

“You have about 200,000 military members deployed tonight overseas [and] all across the world,” Winnefeld said. “Many of them are Capitals fans, and some of them might well be tuning into this game tonight.”

Gold Star Wife Grateful for White House Tribute

By Elaine Sanchez
March 5, 2012

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a “solemn tribute” to Iraq war veterans — including those who made the ultimate sacrifice — with a dinner last week at the White House. Among the star-studded generals and troops in formal uniforms was Kim Felts, the only Gold Star wife at the event.

Seated at a table next to the first lady and surrounded by Iraq war veterans and their wives, Kim said she felt humbled and grateful. “I felt like [our nation’s leaders] were saying, ‘We want to honor your husband in this way,’” she said in an interview Friday.

Kim’s husband, Army Col. Thomas H. Felts Sr., was killed Nov. 14, 2006, in Baghdad when an explosive detonated near his vehicle. He was 45 years old.

The dinner, held Feb. 29, included about 80 war veterans and their wives and senior defense officials including Defense Secretary Leon E. Panetta and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Army Gen. Martin E. Dempsey. They were there in honor of the more than 1 million U.S. service members who served in Iraq from 2003 to the end of operations in December.

Kim, a Special Forces Command family readiness program specialist at Fort Bragg, N.C, brought her two younger children, Rebekah and Thomas Jr., to the event. The teens were nervous and excited, she said, as they pulled up to the White House that evening.

As people mingled, Kim and her children meandered through several rooms of the White House, fascinated by portraits of past presidents and other elites. Her daughter, a fashion buff, was on the lookout for Jackie Onassis’ picture, while her son was drawn to Benjamin Franklin’s portrait. They then joined a reception line to greet the president and first lady.

Kim shook the president’s hand and received a big hug from the first lady, but it was her daughter who stole the thunder, she said. When the president met Rebekah, he said her dress, with its long organza train, was “spectacular.” “My daughter is such a ‘fashionista,’” Kim said, laughing.

The Felts family took their seats next to the first lady, who immediately put everyone at the table at ease, Kim said. They chatted for a few minutes about family resilience, she said, and Kim’s work with Special Forces’ Gold Star wives back home. “She expressed she cares so much for Gold Star families, and thinks about them and their sacrifice so often,” she recalled.

They also discussed the first lady’s Joining Forces campaign, intended to rally the nation’s support for military families, and how the White House can leverage the initiative to support Gold Star families.

In his remarks, the president honored the sacrifices of all military families, including the families of the fallen.

“You taught us about sacrifice — a love of country so deep, so profound, you’re willing to give your life for it,” he said. “Tonight, we pay solemn tribute to all who did.”

Felts said one of the highlights of her evening was meeting Marine Corps Lt. Gen. John F. Kelly, senior military advisor to the defense secretary, whose son was killed in Afghanistan in 2010. They had an instant connection, she said. “There’s a camaraderie between survivors,” she said. “Not a word needs to be said when you know someone shares the loss of a loved one.”

Felts said the dinner’s concept was honorable, but she’d prefer hold off on further celebrations until all deployed troops – including her son-in-law, who is deployed in Afghanistan – return home.

Still “I did feel the gratitude of the government and that goes a long way,” she said.

TAPS Retreat Offers Comfort, Hope for Grieving Widows

By Donna Miles
American Forces Press Service

KEY LARGO, Fla., Feb. 24, 2012 – Vicki Terrell looked out at the turquoise Gulf of Mexico, remembering happy days when she and her husband, Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Paul Terrell, frolicked on their live-aboard powerboat and set anchor in the Florida Keys.

Terrell returned here this week to relive some of those memories – this time without her soulmate, who died serving as a contractor in Afghanistan in June 2010.

But she wasn’t alone. Terrell joined 37 other military widows and fiancees at a four-day retreat sponsored by the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors to help them work their way through the grieving process.

From the moment she arrived here Feb. 21, Terrell said, she felt a deep connection to the other participants. “I feel like I’ve known these women half my life,” she said.

And by sitting with them -- and sharing their deeply personal stories between dips in the surf, a parasailing ride and even a parachute jump with the Army’s Golden Knights -- Terrell said she came to a realization she simply couldn’t grasp back home in Forsyth, Mo. “I’m not the only one going through this, who sometimes struggles to put one foot in front of the other,” she said.

Bonnie Carroll founded TAPS in 1994 to provide comfort and care to grieving military families after her own husband, Army Brig. Gen. Tom Carroll, was killed in a military plane crash in Alaska. The program provides a long list of comprehensive services and programs, including regional survivor seminars, Good Grief camps for children and nine retreats each year – three for widows, widowers and significant others; three for parents and three for siblings.

The retreats provide participants a time to relax and meet other survivors for fellowship, sharing and fun, Carroll explained, while embracing the theme: “Remember the love, celebrate the love and share the journey.”

Widows and fiancees at this week’s retreat, each wearing a button with her loved one’s photo, talked freely about the men they lost – not just the circumstances that cut their lives short, but about what made them special, Carroll said. “They get an opportunity to share their dreams and hopes here with complete acceptance,” she said.

In the process, Carroll said, they come to accept that although death ended a life, it didn’t end a special relationship. “All that love and joy still exists, and this retreat offers a chance for them to experience that joy in an accepting environment,” she said.

TAPS has been particularly busy during the past 10 years of conflict, but Carroll emphasized that it serves all military families, regardless of how, where or when their loved one died.

Gloria Baker said she takes particular strength from the acceptance and support she has found through TAPS. Her husband, Air Force Master Sgt. Kyle Baker, returned from Afghanistan with severe post-traumatic stress disorder and ultimately took his own life in December 2010. TAPS has helped her come to terms with her loss, she said, and to understand there’s no shame in how he died. “He was a hero who could never fully come back” from his combat experience, she said.

To honor his memory and the sense of adventure he embodied, Baker went parasailing this week and laid plans to jump with the Golden Knights to commemorate what would have been his 37th birthday today.

“This is his present to me,” she said of the retreat. “And what I have found here lets me know that I’m not alone, because there is a connection and a bond between all military widows.”

Tears still come easily for Baker and most of the TAPs participants, followed by a touch, a hug or a knowing smile from another widow as the moment passes.

The outreach has been a great source of comfort for Sandra Talamantez, whose husband, Army Sgt. Steven Talamantez, was killed in Iraq in July 2011. Talamantez admits she’s just now starting to “come out of the fog” that immediately descended on her, and that she still struggles to avoid using the word “we” in her conversations, rather than simply “I.”

But seven months after his death, Talamantez said, she senses that her well-meaning friends are getting tired of hearing her talk about what she had, what she lost and how she’s struggling to move forward. Only her mother-in-law, who shares her deep, heart-stabbing sense of loss, seemed to truly understand, she said.

But through a “girls night out” dinner with other military widows near her home in Texas and this week’s retreat, Talamantez said, she’s found that despite their different circumstances, they all share a special bond.

Donna Shannon, whose husband, Army Sgt. 1st Class Michael Shannon, died of a heart attack in Kabul, Afghanistan, in January 2010, said TAPS has given her a lifeline to cling to as she focuses on healing.

“It gives me an opportunity to meet other women who, without words, know how I feel,” she said. “What I love about TAPS is that you can be smiling one minute, then boo-hooing the next minute, and then there is laughter again.”

Shannon said she finds comfort talking with other widows who have endured the same pain she feels and moved forward. “It gives me hope,” she said. “It helps me realize that I can go on, and really helps smooth the path that’s been thrust on me.”

Eleven years after her husband of just five weeks, Air Force Master Sgt. Christopher Sheaffer, was killed in a military parachute training accident, Terri Starliper has dedicated herself to helping other military widows navigate that path. She leads a support group in Northern Virginia and is serving as a volunteer group co-leader at the TAPS retreat.

Starliper said she’s indebted to Carroll for the healing support she provided and the brave example she set. “I told myself, if she was able to get through this, then I can do this, too,” she said.

“So for me, this is giving back,” she added. “It’s a way for me to take what was really bad and awful for me and to try to make it a little easier for someone else.”

Along the way, Starliper said, she continues to heal while keeping her husband’s memory alive in a way that helps others.

This week, she planned to mark a big step in her own personal journey through a tandem jump with the Golden Knights. She knows it will be a highly emotional experience – bringing back memories of the jump she made with her husband – but she said she’s ready. “So even after all this time, there is still healing that goes on here,” she said.

Ultimately, Starliper said, knowing that their loved ones won’t be forgotten is one of the greatest sources of comfort for military widows. “When you think about these men, you are talking about really amazing people who touched lives and made a difference,” she said. “They were among the best.”

Starliper said she hopes participants in the TAPS retreat will return to their homes a little stronger for their experience on the beaches of Key Largo.

“Not only are they making new friends and a new support network, but they’ll be able to take bits and pieces of what they’ve learned here from each person and apply them to help them along their own journey,” she said. “It’s pretty amazing, the healing that goes on here.”