By Shannon Collins DoD News Features, Defense Media Activity
BAY PINES, Fla., November 11, 2015 — “It was great being a
medic, and I loved helping people, but doing my job meant something bad had
happened.”
Al Alcantara, a retired Army staff sergeant who served 21
years as a combat medic, recently graduated from an inpatient treatment program
for post-traumatic stress disorder at Bay Pines Veterans Affairs Medical Center
in Bay Pines, Florida.
“I didn’t feel comfortable sitting back in the rear with the
gear, so I would volunteer to go with the soldiers who were going outside the
wire on missions," he said. "I knew they could use me on the front
lines.”
Alcantara, who grew up in the Philippines, said he wanted to
be in the military since he was a boy.
“I’ve always wanted to help people,” he said. “I love
[military] history and read about World War II. A lot of American soldiers
risked their lives to help liberate our country from the Japanese. I felt like
I owed a blood debt to America, so I joined the U.S. Army instead of the
Philippine Army.” Alcantara is now a U.S. citizen.
PTSD Symptoms, Career
After three consecutive deployments to Iraq, he said his
family and friends noticed his personality started changing.
“The people around me noticed I started cursing and was
easily angered. I used to be a very patient person. I refused to admit I was
changing. I was in denial,” Alcantara said.
He buried himself in his work, he said. Although he had
saved many lives, losing people and seeing the “destruction and death on both
sides” drove him to turn his grief into motivation at work, Alcantara said.
“I decided I was going to make sure I would train our guys
to be able to come back home. .... It became a personal mission for me to train
my soldiers so that we can all go back home in one piece,” he said. “That
became a personal goal for me at that point and that’s what kept me going. I
had a purpose. I had soldiers to train to make sure we would all come back home
safe and sound, and I wanted to be able to continue my military career,”
PTSD Symptoms Increase
Near the end of his career, Alcantara said, his symptoms
increased and he began having nightmares and intrusive thoughts in addition to
developing a sleep disorder, but was afraid of the stigma to seek help.
“I was becoming very destructive to a point where it
affected not just my military life but my personal life,” he said. “I was being
combative with my wife. I refused to acknowledge I had PTSD. It took the
chaplain and several therapists to get me to acknowledge there’s something
severe going on from deep within. I have a lot of anxiety going on. Every
little thing would get me mad. I became very destructive. I put several holes
in the wall. I really didn’t understand what was going on at that point.”
First Residential Program
Alcantara said his supervisors recognized his PTSD symptoms
and directed him to seek help.
“I was skeptical at first,” he said. “I felt like no one
could help me at that point, and I was starting to have suicidal ideations. I had
lost at least two more of my battle buddies at that point. Death seemed
welcoming at that point. I wanted to end the pain I was going through. It just
felt very confusing. I couldn’t concentrate and couldn’t sleep. I didn’t like
that I was taking it out on my soldiers and my family.”
“The residential program helped me understand what I was
really going through and even then it took about 30 days before I got anything
out of the program,” Alcantara added.
He said when he went into the program, he was determined to
“self-terminate” afterward but the program helped him for a while. He said he
learned about the causes and symptoms of PTSD and discovered that he was not
alone.
“I learned that Vietnam vets to this day are suffering with
PTSD ... There are other people like me who are suffering, so I decided at that
point that it’s a choice -- I had a choice; I can live my life to the fullest
or I can let it all end,” Alcantara said. “I’ve always been fighter. It’s going
to be a cold day in hell if I’m going to let PTSD win ... so I decided to fight
it. I started learning more. I put into practice what I learned. I wanted to
see life in full color again.”
Before the residential program, Alcantara said, he isolated
himself -- deliberately avoiding people and withdrawing. After the residential
program, he said, he had hope again. But after he left the military, he
regressed and started thinking about suicide again and became destructive. He
said he didn’t think could be around people, so he couldn’t work for two years.
Bay Pines
Alcantara had been seeking outpatient care in Savannah,
Georgia, through the VA when his therapist recommended inpatient care at the
Bay Pines VA Medical Center in Bay Pines, Florida.
“I was out of control, and the tools I had learned from my
previous in residential treatment were failing,” he said. “I’ve learned a lot
at Bay Pines. I’ve picked up more tools and a lot of reinforcement of the tools
I used to have. It generated new hope for me again. The most important tool I
was able to pick up here is that I need support. I can’t do it alone.
“I was isolated, withdrawn and just avoided people for the
last three years, and that has not worked at all,” Alcantara said. “I’ve
learned here how to open up a little bit and just having new friends, having
support, having someone who can understand and empathize with what you’ve been
through just helped me a lot. I’m not alone. This program helped me a lot.”
He said his therapists, instructors and peers helped him
during the eight-week program.
“He was all in knots and turmoil, kind of shaky and wasn’t
making eye contact, and he just kept saying, ‘The tools are failing me. They
just don’t work,’ said Rose Stauffer, a licensed clinical social worker and one
of Alcantara’s therapists at Bay Pines. “He was really in despair. He was
really feeling like he had made progress and then he had totally regressed,
particularly in the area of anger.”.
Stauffer said it took weeks to work through Alcantara’s
triggers, and he was still “pinging,” as he called it, as she earned his trust.
She said he kept talking about packing his bags and leaving, but the other
veterans convinced him to stay.
“The other veterans started to reach out to him, and he
really allowed his peers to help him,” she said. “What I love about the
veterans is they have a tendency to take each other under their wings and they
get tight and have the therapy with each other.”
Alcantara experienced his first therapeutic turning point
when the veterans reached out to him, Stauffer said, and a second one came when
she set aside specific therapy models in favor of just talking to him.
“He had already had cognitive processing therapy so we were
trying to figure out what would be the best therapy for him, and he saw me pick
up my book because I like to be true to the manual and try to let the veteran
know I’m not making this stuff up,” she said. “He said, ‘You’re just seeing me
as a number. You’re not hearing me. You’re not listening to me.’ So I just put
everything aside, dropped everything, and we started talking. And that’s when
he was able to turn the corner.”
Alcantara became close with his peer and friend, Vietnam
veteran Jim Alderman, a former Marine.
“He [Alderman] understands where I’m coming from and vice
versa,” he said. “Meeting him has made a significant impact on my PTSD where
now it’s cracked it open where I could actually have friends again. I needed
that. I’ve lost a lot of friends. I need friends like him. I felt like I was
able to open up to him and share with him. I need a social network. I think
it’s going to be a little bit better this time,” Alcantara said.
Alcantara said that when he gets home he wants to avoid
entering into “isolation mode” by engaging in social activities, possibly
through veterans groups.
Hope for the Future
The fellow veterans said they plan to keep in touch and to
meet regularly.
“I’m going to make sure all of us are going to be okay,”
Alderman said. “Al, he’s more than a friend, he’s like a brother, and he’s been
hooked to my hip. We talk just like brothers would. We’ve laughed and cried and
just had a good time.”
Alderman also plans to teach Cantara to cliff dive, he said.
Alcantara encourages those who may have PTSD to seek help.
“You’re not alone, there is help out there available to you.
If you’re out there and need help, if you need assistance, there’s help and
there’s hope. You are not alone,” he said.