Nine Months After Repeal, Gay Troops Slowly Come Out

By Lisa Daniel

American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, June 20, 2012 – In the nine months since being given the legal right to serve openly in the military, gay service members are increasingly speaking out about the double lives they led under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law.

As gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans and their supporters celebrate June as “Pride Month,” two senior officers – a Navy woman and an Army man, both with more than 20 years of service – accepted a request to speak about the issue to foreign journalists visiting the Pentagon.

The officers asked not to be named because of the personal nature of the information they shared. They told of the stress of serving two decades on a job in which they lived in guarded secrecy about their personal lives and constant worry of being exposed - and discharged - under the law.

“It was the secrets, the trying to guard every word so that you don’t use the wrong pronoun,” the soldier said, recalling his fear of referring to his partner as “he.”

“That eats at your soul,” he added, “and you feel pretty hollow when you have to live that kind of lie.”

While senior military leaders say the change has had no impact on readiness and little to no effect on most of the 1.2 million members on active duty, gay troops describe the repeal’s effect on them as life-changing.

During three war deployments, the soldier said, he could not bond with others as they decompressed from the fighting to learn about each other – their families, influences, and world views. “It wreaks havoc on your ability to deal with stress,” he said.

Back home, even calls he’d receive from his leaders on weekends were stressful, the soldier said. “Every time my phone rang and I saw the caller ID,” he recalled, “I thought, ‘I’m about to be fired. Every single time I got called at home, regardless of the reason for the call, for a split second, I thought, ‘This will be the call where I get fired.’ It was always in the back of my head.”

When the law’s repeal took effect Sept. 20 “with a collective yawn” from the straight military community, he said, “there was this feeling of relief [among gay troops] that not only do I now finally feel like a full-fledged citizen of this country – the country that I put my life on the line to defend more than once - but now I can do my job more efficiently.”

While the military as a whole goes through its transformation with openness, individual members contemplate how far to go with theirs.

Other than being named in the media, the soldier now lives an openly gay life. He recently married his partner of 12 years here. The couple hopes to adopt a child – a prospect that was impossible before, the soldier said, because “the idea of teaching a child to lie in order to protect his fathers was an ethical nonstarter.”

The sailor has continued to stay quiet about her personal life, but says the repeal has given her the freedom and confidence not to lie about who she is.

“If you ask, I will tell you,” she said. “That’s the decision I made on Sept. 20. While I’m not going to stand up and announce it, I also won’t turn a blind eye to those younger members who are putting their lives on the line.”

The sailor had to do just that as a lieutenant, she said, when a young enlisted sailor came to her and wanted to confide in her about her own sexuality. “I cut her off and said, ‘You cannot say that next sentence that I think you’re going to say, because I’m an officer.’” Under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, the officer would have been required to report it up the chain of command.

It was about the same time that the officer experienced a bitter breakup in a relationship that caused her to put her personal life mostly on hold and reinforced her two decades of silence about who she is. The breakup, with a woman who was leaving the military, became messy. The two owned property together. There were threats of outing the young lieutenant who had hoped to make a career of the military, as so many in her family had.

“I got threatened with being outed,” she said. “Being thrown out of the military at the five- or six-year mark wasn’t in my plans. … It caused me to shut down my life, and I said, ‘I’ll just do the military thing,’ because I just couldn’t take the pressure from being threatened.”

After Congress passed the repeal in December 2010, the services had to conduct training and do other things to prepare before Defense Department leaders could certify to the president that repeal would not harm readiness. The sailor attended an all-Navy training session.

“I caught myself three or four times,” she said, “because I was convinced I was going to cry.” She was “fundamentally overwhelmed,” she said, by the conversation in the room that let her know homosexuality, by and large, had become a nonissue to today’s service members.

“I was just so proud that it really had come to the point where this was no big deal,” she said.

Others were beginning to see the “disconnect” that she and other gays and lesbians had lamented for years.

“Many other militaries beat us to the punch on this,” she noted. When the United States built a 50-nation coalition in Afghanistan, “we didn’t go to NATO and say, ‘Only deploy your straight people.’” And yet those troops served together – ate, slept, showered, fought and bled together – without regard to sexual orientation, she said.

“If you are genuinely operating as a professional military, sexual orientation shouldn’t be part of the discussion,” she added.

Both officers noted the recent evolution of gay rights in the United States. The military they entered could not have accepted open homosexuality, they acknowledged.

“If you served in this military in the 1970s, you would not recognize it now,” the sailor said. “People who say we shouldn’t serve openly are out of date, out of touch with today’s military. The young service members genuinely don’t care.”

Repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was debated fervently for more than a year, but took effect officially with little fanfare.

“A small group of us went [to the Pentagon office of a former senior civilian leader who is gay], popped a couple bottles of champagne and said, ‘Wow. It really did happen,’” the sailor said. “There were plenty of us who, honestly, never thought this day would come.”

Now that it has, she added, “I’m convinced you can walk into every office of this building and find someone who is a little more confident in what they do and a little less worried, just because of what has happened in the past six to eight months.”

Retired Navy Adm. Mike Mullen is widely credited with being a powerful force behind the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. As chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Mullen removed perceived partisanship from the issue by telling a congressional committee in February 2010 that overturning the ban was the right thing to do, and that it would not irreparably harm readiness.

“No matter how I look at the issue, I cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens,” Mullen said then. “For me, personally, it comes down to integrity – theirs as individuals, and ours as an institution.”

Congress voted to repeal the law in December 2010 and President Barack Obama signed a certification to Congress in July 2011 that military leaders agreed that the services were ready to move forward without Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

“I can’t say enough about Admiral Mullen’s leadership,” the sailor said. “It was the leadership of a nonpartisan military that allowed this to happen.”

Some 14,500 service members were discharged between 1993 and 2011 under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, according to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. Some of them are back serving in uniform, the Navy officer said, but the Defense Department does not track the numbers.

The Navy officer acknowledged that “some incidents have happened” in the military ranks related to gays serving openly. But, she added, they are not enough to roll back the momentum, or the law, in support of gay service members. “It’s too big. … It’s not going to turn this back,” she said.

With the legal change, gay service members say they have never been more proud of the U.S. armed forces.

“I’ve never been more proud of this organization,” the Army officer said. “I’ve never been more fully embraced by our military and by our country.”

The sailor, who is planning to retire in the next few years, said she has some decisions to make about her post-military life, noting that different regions of the country have different levels of acceptance toward gay people. She said she worries that where she chooses to live out the rest of her life could, effectively, try to put her back in a closet. But this time, she said, she won’t go.

“I don’t know what I’ll do in retirement,” she said. “But I won’t be hiding.”

Gates Thanks Media for Critical Watchdog Role

By Donna Miles

American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, June 16, 2011 – Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates today thanked reporters for their service as watchdogs for the American public and for bringing to light some problems that hadn’t been raised by the Pentagon’s vast bureaucracy.

Gates came to office in December 2006 proclaiming that the media “is not the enemy” and vowing to work to improve the Pentagon’s relationship with the press.

“When I first took office, I worried that relations between the Pentagon, the military and the press, while always difficult, mostly were characterized by mutual suspicion and resentment,” he said. “So I made it a point when speaking to military officers -- from cadets to generals -- to remind them that a vigorous, inquisitive and even skeptical press was a critically important guarantor of freedom under the Constitution, and not to be treated as the enemy.”

During his first commencement address as defense secretary to the U.S. Naval Academy Class of 2007, Gates urged graduates to “remember the importance of two pillars of our freedom under the Constitution: the Congress and the press.”

“The press is not the enemy and to treat it as such is self-defeating,” he told the graduates in May 2007, calling the media “a critically important guarantor of our freedom.”

Gates told reporters today he came to truly appreciate the media’s accountability role early in his tenure after newspaper reports exposed two “glaring bureaucratic shortcomings.” One involved outpatient treatment of wounded warriors at Walter Reed Army Medical Center here and the other, resistance to purchasing life-saving mine-resistant, ambush-protected vehicles for deployed troops.

“Responding to both of these critical issues, which only came to my attention through the media, became my top priority and two of my earliest and most-significant management decisions,” Gates said.

The secretary conceded that he hasn’t always liked the media reporters he has read over the past four-and-a-half years and he still hates leaks -- perhaps even more than others in government.

“But I have great respect for your role as a watchdog on behalf of the American people and as a means for me to learn of problems that the building was not telling me about,” he told the reporters.

“I know we don’t always make it easy to do your jobs here,” he recognized. “Gaining timely and usable information out of the bureaucracy and their gatekeepers is always a challenge -- a challenge that I’ve shared with you on occasion. So thanks again for your professional, tough questions and hard work.”

Why We Serve: Soldier Chooses Military Service as Way of Life

By Fred W. Baker III
American Forces Press Service

Feb. 1, 2008 - Even as a child playing "G.I. Joe," Army Staff Sgt. Gary Heffernan always thought one day he would wear the uniform himself. "I always kind of knew ... I was going to be a soldier," he said.

Years later, the cavalry scout is bruised but battle-hardened by the life he chose. In Iraq, his up-armored Humvee was bombed 12 times during endless patrols up and down the mean streets of Baghdad. He was banged up, but made it home alive.

His best friend, however, was killed in April by a bomb while on patrol.

Violence, loss and war motivate some to leave the service. But for Heffernan, they're part of why he serves. He said he wants to spare his family and others the horrors he has seen.

"(I) want to make sure that things like ... the death squads who go house to house and take families out of the houses and kill them because they are not the same sect doesn't happen here in the United States. Because you know what? They'd love it to happen here," Heffernan said. "You take the fight to them. Don't let it happen here."

Heffernan is one of 12 servicemembers selected to be part of the Defense Department's "Why We Serve" public-outreach program. For the next few months, he will travel the country telling his story to community, business and veterans group audiences, and at other gatherings.

Top on his list is letting everyone know that he serves by choice, because, Heffernan said, he loves what he does, who he serves with, and the country he serves.

"If we didn't have the greatest military in the world, then what would we be doing? We wouldn't have the country we have today," he said. "If you don't have the freedoms we have, then what good is it? That's why I serve.

"We as soldiers do it voluntarily. No one's making us go there. There's no draft. We want to be there. We want to help," the cavalry scout said.

Heffernan's military career began shortly after he dropped out of high school in Winchester, Mass. His father had died, and Heffernan quit school soon after. "I was having a real hard time," he said. "I was hanging around with the wrong crowd, doing some bad things."

Luckily, a teacher encouraged Heffernan to join a National Guard program for drop outs. The program put the students in a disciplined, military-style environment and helped them earn their General Educational Development credential while learning the basics of discipline, teamwork and physical fitness.

Heffernan "loved it," he said. After the six-week program in 1995, Heffernan joined the Massachusetts Army National Guard.

Serving part time then as a fire-support specialist, Heffernan worked full time at a computer retail store and put in extra time with the National Guard for training.

Then came Sept. 11, 2001. The terrorist attacks left Heffernan longing for active duty. He and a handful of others in his unit lobbied their commanders for releases, but the leaders were reluctant to give up unit members because future mission requirements were not yet fully known.

After 18 months of "begging," Heffernan got his release and signed a contract to go on active duty in June 2003 as a crewman on a Bradley linebacker air-defense-artillery vehicle at Fort Bliss, Texas.

He did a stint in South Korea, but then the Army phased out his job, and he was reclassified as a cavalry scout. For Heffernan, the change was great. He said he loves working as a scout because he enjoys the camaraderie, going to the field, and the training.

"It's just great. There's nothing like it in the world," he said.

In December 2005, Heffernan deployed to Iraq. The combat veteran described his duty there as "rough" -- a daily routine of patrolling and vehicle maintenance, interrupted only by sleeping and eating. "That was our life," he said.

Patrolling and searching some of the toughest areas in the city at a time when violence was peaking, Heffernan and his crew nabbed two of the most wanted "high value targets" in the 4th Infantry Division's area of responsibility.

He said he can't even remember the first time his Humvee was hit by a bomb and sings the praises of up-armored Humvees, giving them credit for saving lives.

The blast that shook him up the most actually hit the Humvee travelling behind his, Heffernan said. The bomb hit, blew the Humvee into the air, spun it around and dropped it in the lane next to him. The blast left a hole more than 3 feet deep and nearly as wide as a Humvee. The engine was blown out, the gunner's station was gone, and vehicle parts were found 300 meters away from the blast.

But, all three in the crew miraculously lived because of the additional armor on the Humvee, Heffernan said. "When we turned around, I thought for sure all three guys were gone," Heffernan said. "The smoke cleared, and there they were."

The crew was severely injured, but Heffernan said it was a blow to the insurgents that their intended targets escaped. "It was a bad day, but it was a good day because our guys were still alive," he said.

Despite the violence, Heffernan said there was also much peaceful interaction with the locals.

"(The media) make it out to be blood and guts all the time," Heffernan said. "War is hell. And there is fighting. There are suicide bombings. There are very despicable acts.

"But it wasn't always that way. There were days we would go on patrol and nothing would happen. We'd interact with the local people; they'd give us bread. We talked to them. The little kids would ask us for candy," he said. "We're there to make sure that they have a better life. They in turn want a better life."

'Why We Serve' Program Connects Servicemembers, Civilians

By John J. Kruzel
American Forces Press Service

Jan. 7, 2008 - Media outlets portray a version of the U.S. military as seen from the outside, but Americans across the country can access the primary source: hearing the military experience described by a soldier, sailor, airman or Marine who lives it. At universities, high schools and rotary clubs in scores of U.S. cities, "Why We Serve," a Defense Department outreach program, is connecting men and women in uniform to the American public they serve. Started in July 2006, the program provides a platform for servicemembers recently returned from operations in Afghanistan, Iraq or the Horn of Africa to discuss their experiences with the country at large.

"Americans want a way to hear directly from the men and women in uniform who have served. They want to hear personal stories and experiences first-hand," said Jennifer Giglio, the program's deputy director. "By providing the public one-on-one interaction with their military, Why We Serve creates that opportunity."

Now in its sixth quarterly iteration, the outreach program conceived by then-Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Marine Gen. Peter Pace underscores an effort by the Defense Department to bridge gaps between military and civilian cultures. The program is apolitical by design, and speakers do not address department policies; rather, each member offers Americans a glimpse of military life as seen through the eyes of someone in uniform.

The current group of a dozen servicemember speakers comprises a diverse swath of the armed forces that includes a wide range of military branch and rank, and represents both sexes, as well as many races and creeds. Three members from each service branch make up this iteration, and together they account for 130 years of military experience.

The breadth of the speakers' backgrounds and experience is matched by the vast geography the tour encompasses: In January alone, participants will appear at 31 engagements in 15 cities, from Sarasota, Fla., to San Diego, in addition to three radio interviews with a station in Riverside, Iowa.

Community organizations, business associations, academic institutions, veterans groups, and other nonprofit or nonpartisan organizations may invite a Why We Serve speaker by making a request online at www.whyweserve.mil. The Defense Department provides speakers to approved host organizations anywhere in the country free of charge.

By hosting uniformed servicemembers to speak about their individual experiences in current U.S. operations, audiences around the country are offered a personal and relevant perspective on military service.

"No longer do Americans need to rely on the media alone for balanced coverage," Giglio said. "They can request a servicemember to speak in their local community, and have the opportunity to ask questions and hear answers from someone who has had their boots on the ground."

Speakers from the most recent iteration include Marine Staff Sgt. John Costa, a native of Somerville, Mass., who deployed to Iraq's Anbar province in August 2006, when the region was one of the country's most contentious.

During Why We Serve engagements, Costa, who decided as a boy to join the U.S. military to help the "greater good," told audiences how efforts by coalition forces tamped down violence in Ramadi, creating the political breathing room necessary to forge vital alliances between local tribal sheiks and coalition operators.

Though it was widely covered in the news media, Costa offered audiences a unique perspective on what was later dubbed the "Anbar Awakening," a societal purging of extremism by Anbaris that ushered in a level of stability unprecedented since U.S. operations in Iraq began.

"In the end, it turned out that Ramadi did a complete 180," Costa told American Forces Press Service during a November 2007 interview. "I got pictures in September from the unit that had relieved us, and I just couldn't believe it. I didn't think I was looking at the same city."

In conjunction with the speaking tour, American Forces Press Service will profile each Why We Serve participant in a feature article that will be available on www.defenselink.mil, the Defense Department's official Web site.

Virtual Spouse Support Group Holds Conference at Fort Bragg

By Jamie Findlater
Special to American Forces Press Service

Dec. 3, 2007 - Anticipatory grief, reintegration, and relocation are terms that often resonate with military spouses. As servicemembers are fighting on the front lines, spouses at home are forming the support networks that are keeping families strong. This sacrifice and shared understanding was the focus of the third "SpouseBuzzLive" conference near Fort Bragg.

The conference is an extension of a "blog" -- an online diary -- for military spouses hosted by Military.com. Founded 14 months ago by Andi Hurley, an Army spouse, it has quickly become a virtual support group for spouses to connect with other spouses and share information about their experience.

More than 300 military spouses attended the conference, which featured a live Web broadcast from the site. Spouses participated in panels, visited booths, met face to face with other spouses, and talked about new avenues of communication that allow them to connect with each other as well as their military servicemembers.

Spouses explained the importance of connection and solidarity with others who understand the sacrifices of day-to-day military life. "I had my daughter three weeks after my husband was deployed," explained Michelle Rimel, a military spouse who lives in Fayetteville, N.C. "He was the only person I wanted to be there, but he couldn't be, and it was the support of other military wives that helped me get through it."

With online technology capabilities becoming more prevalent, online communities and support centers, such as SpouseBuzz, are becoming an important aspect of modern military life. Virtual communities provide support for daily challenges, raise issues of concern, and build a sense of connection with other spouses that would normally be unavailable due to geographic location.

Sarah Walter, one of 11 SpouseBuzz site authors, said the online community is important to her. "You cannot always find long-lasting relationships with military spouses if you are constantly relocating; now I can connect with other spouses no matter where they are in the country, and they already know my story."

While, in generations past, military spouses may spend days waiting for a letter, military spouses now are able to employ the use of webcams and other recording devices to endure spouses' deployments. "Technology is truly a blessing," said Chris, another panelist who posts information on the site under the screen name "Love my Tanker." "New things are constantly available, and it's great when we can find new ways to help each other."

Many of the spouses have used the technology to reach out and help others. "Doing good for others can help pass the time," said Melinda Warthman, a moderator of the event. "Groups like America Supports You can help connect you with the right organization."

America Supports You is a Defense Department program that connects citizens and corporations with military personnel and their families serving at home and abroad.

Ginger Dosedel, an Air Force wife who founded "Sew Much Comfort," an organization that makes adaptive clothing for wounded soldiers, talked about how important her service to others is to her and stressed the importance of the online community. "We have distributed over 30,000 items to over 100 locations this year," she said.

Caren Ziegenfuss, whose husband was seriously wounded in Iraq, echoed this thought while talking about her work with "Valor IT," a project established by another group, "Soldiers' Angels," to help wounded soldiers get voice-activated computer software.

As technology continues to develop and online capabilities improve, more and more spouses seem to be turning to online communities like SpouseBuzz. "It's really my sense of sanity, cause I'm not around other military wives and the people around me don't always understand" Ziegenfuss said. "It's important for us to connect, but also to get out the message about the sacrifices we make every day."

(Jamie Findlater works in New Media at American Forces Information Service.)