Sunday, June 14, 2009

Whose the Adult Here; Bruce Dickinson or Fred Astaire


Some weeks ago, George Will wrote a column complaining about the prevalence of blue jeans in adult contemporary life. He spends a Lot of time lambasting adults for wearing them, saying those of us who do so are immature and chronic adolescents, and refers to denim as a 'blight'.

Will suggests modern men look to someone named Fred Astaire as an example for proper fashion and decorum. Apparently, Mr. Astaire was a movie star well known for singing, dancing, and being a snappy dresser. Kind of makes a guy wonder, doesn't it? For some reason, Will holds up Fred Astaire as a paragon of adult, manly virtue. Well, let's take a gander and some lyrics, shall we?

-'I'm feeling so bad, I wish you'd make the music Dreamy and sad...' from One for my Baby

-'You've got all the qualities of Peter Pan I'd look far before I'd find a sweeter pan' from Funny Face

- 'Heaven, I'm in Heaven,And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak;And I seem to find the happiness I seek. When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek...' from Cheek to Cheek

These are the thoughts of teenage boy, bored out of his mind in Global Studies, passing the time by ogling the girl sitting a row over and two desks down who doesn't realize the once strategically placed rip in the back of her acid wash jeans has ridden up too high.

Anyway, let's compare and contrast these lyrics to the 80's era whipping boy, scourge of the PMRC, Iron Maiden:


-'I'm waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime. Reflecting on my past life and it doesn't have much time. 'Cause at 5 o'clock they take me to the Gallows Pole. The sands of time for me are running low...' from Hallowed be thy Name

-' Bandits at 8 o'clock move in behind us. Ten ME-109's out of the sun. Ascending and turning out spitfires to face them. Heading straight for them I press my guns...' from Aces High

-'In a foreign field he lay. Lonely soldier, unknown grave. On his dying words he prays. Tell the world of Paschendale...' from Paschendale

Judge for yourself gentle reader. But know this, Fred Astaire was kown for dancing to happy, smiley songs. Iron Maiden's lead singer, Bruce Dickinson, served in the British Army, is a competative fencer, and flies airline jets in his spare time.

For more about Will, visit http://www.gulfwarone.com/. His novel, 'A Line Through the Desert' can be purchased here.

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