RUFit?: 'Resilient Relationship' tested

by Staff Sgt. Zachary Wolf
65th Air Base Wing Public Affairs

2/10/2015 - LAJES FIELD, Azores, Portugal  -- A couple from Lajes put the new program "Resilient Relationships" to the test when Tech. Sgt. Andrew Williams deployed to Kosovo for four months with his fellow 65th Security Forces Squadron defenders.

One of the features of this program involves spouses watching videos online and talking about what they saw and how it might apply in their lives.

"After watching the videos we made sure we stayed in touch as much as possible," said Debbie Williams, 65th Air Base Wing administration assistant. "I learned communication with your spouse is key to keeping a good relationship."

Trying to read a spouse after a deployment, whether you are the one that deployed or the one the deployed member is coming home too, can be really difficult as time spent away can change one or both of the parties.

"I think the videos helped me the most," Williams said. "It reminded me to remember what my spouse might say, but might actually mean."

The videos range from serious to comical, but they are designed to get the family members talking and give them something to relate to.

"Well, not only was it funny but some points stated were somewhat true in my family," Williams said. "The one comment I especially remember is 'When a woman says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, she actually means 30.' In my house it's actually 45."

Communication is essential and can help grow relationships, which is one reason why this program focuses on it.

"Sometimes a person can be under a bit of stress," Williams said. "Keeping it to yourself is never a good thing. Whether it's about what's going on with your job, family or just daily life in general, talking it out with your spouse helps you out. That other person can provide a different point of view you may not have thought of. "

In addition to communication, spending time together is equally as important. This is another way relationships grow, even if it is spending time through technology as family members may be separated by a move or deployment.

"One event that stuck out was when we were able to spend Christmas together using Skype," Williams said. "We have 2 children and this was the first time that a deployment really impacted my 6 year old son.  The entire week after my husband left, my son mentioned how much he missed his dad. So having both kids be able to see him at Christmas was a great morale booster."

With the increase of technology staying connected through a deployment is much easier than before and helps foster an environment where relationships can continue to grow.

"I really think this will help with spouses by keeping an open communication going between one another," Williams said. "A lot of problems in marriages stem from the lack of communication. When communication breaks down, the marriage breaks down and can end in divorce. I think this would be helpful to be presented as a family program through the Airman Family and Readiness Center."