Bystander non-intervention

by Dr. Tom Appel-Schumacher
USAFE-AFAFRICA SAPR Program Manager

1/28/2015 - RAMSTEIN AIR BASE, Germany -- Her unit had a great sponsorship program: immediately she felt welcomed and valued.  She was excited to be part of such an amazing mission, defeating Islamic extremists, and supporting developing democracies.

She had grand hopes and dreams.  She volunteered. She got involved.  She felt at home.

"Welcome to your New Home" Party

She was new to the base and wanted to get to know other Airmen.  A "Welcome to Your New Home" Party was a tradition in the unit and it was a great way for Airmen new to the base to be socially engaged.  The word spread quickly that the welcome party would be held next Friday night, off base at a large multi-apartment house. The buzz around base was, "This party is not one to be missed."

Her suitemate in the dorm, who was also new to the base, said that she was going.  The Airman really had no reason not to.  The idea was right, the timing was right, and she loved parties, so the decision was made.

Work on Friday seemed to drag on forever.  Immediately after work, she met up with her friends and headed to the Enlisted Club to enjoy the "pre-party."   It was a great crowd, loud music, sports on the TV monitors, with lots of laughing and conversation.  She recognized many from her squadron and unit, but also noticed many new faces.  The crowd was energetic and lifted her spirits.  She was dancing, laughing and joking.  That's when she met him.

He was a stunningly handsome young man with an engaging smile. And he knew her name!  They immediately hit it off and began sharing their histories and exchanging stories.  He worked in her squadron.  He was always working hard when she saw him before.  She hadn't even tried to take time to meet and talk with him. But Friday night was just beginning, and they weren't in any hurry - no place to go and all night to get there.

The Airman, her new friend, and her suitemate all left together for the real party. As they pulled up, they knew they were in the right place. Cars were everywhere up and down the street.  It seemed like every window in the two-story red sandstone house was ablaze with bright and colored lighting.  Muffled music and the low buzz of a hundred conversations greeted them as they exited the car.  She and her friend were wide-eyed as they stepped toward the entrance each on the arm of their escort. 

Once inside, her suitemate quickly got scooped up by a male friend who she knew from work which left her and her new friend alone in the crowded room.  She was offered a drink from the punch bowl.  Conversation continued, though frequently interrupted by loud laughter, and the occasional party goer stumbling and bumping into them.
A few sips into her drink, she started having trouble thinking, speaking and even standing up.   Insisting that she sit down, the handsome young man helped her to a quiet place where she could regain her composure.  Her suitemate glanced from across the living room seeing her friend being led through the crowd, which swallowed them up.  "Lightweight!" her suitemate laughed as she turned back to the game of beer pong.

As the Airman and her escort made it to the base of the stairs, two of their colleagues noticed the handsome man with his wobbly date.

"Is she OK?" one of them asked.

"It's hard to say," the other replied.

But, once at the bottom of the stairs, then she groggily looked up, smiled and said, "Hi Steve. Hi John."  They both laughed and John said to his friend, "Well she looks fine to me.  Let's grab another beer."

Three Weeks Later

The young Airman who once felt so welcome, motivated, and excited about her new assignment dragged herself into work late. It was the third time this week.  She had trouble sleeping, either unable to fall asleep or awakened in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep.  Her uniform was a crumpled mess at best. She'd quit volunteering and she was having difficulty concentrating at work.   She missed her regular mentoring sessions and withdrew from others.

A Year Later

The young female Airman had spent months in therapy.  Her thoughts of suicide had increased.  Her EPR was a referral and she'd dropped out of college altogether.  She wasn't being allowed to re-enlist and she didn't know where or what she was she was going to go.  Her military life was a failure.