Crash survivor shares resilience story to Airmen

by Airman 1st Class John Linzmeier
22nd Air Refueling Wing Public Affairs

10/16/2014 - MCCONNELL AIR FORCE BASE, Kan. -- The men and women of Team McConnell participated in a Wingman Day event Oct. 10, to develop their communication skills, resiliency and focus on Air Force core values: integrity first, service before self and excellence in all we do.

Wingman Day's premier event was a speech from Jared Estes, McConnell's honorary command chief and survivor of an alcohol related car crash.

Estes and his wife Paige were hit by a vehicle operated by an intoxicated driver in 2005. When Estes awoke from a coma two weeks later, half his body was severely burned and was informed that his wife, Paige, had not survived.

Estes faced years of excruciating pain in recovery, however, he didn't spend his time speaking in remorse; rather, he spoke more about how he persevered through difficult times and the elements which helped him pull through it: grace, attitude, teamwork, goals and perspective.

"Teamwork is what wingman day is all about," said Estes. "In order to combat our circumstances, we can't do it by ourselves. We need to help each other. It took the help of surgeons, doctors and family members to get me where I am today."

Through his story, Estes shared how he learned to set and accomplish goals, from leaving the hospital room for the first time, to attending countless sessions of physical therapy, court cases, surgeries and eventually, gathering the strength to mourn at his wife's grave.

While many have not faced the same challenges Estes faced, he suggested hardships are more common than people realize.

"We're all fighting the same internal battles inside, but sometimes we fail to acknowledge it," he said. "Something as simple as a smile could make a huge difference to your fellow wingman."

Small acts of kindness like this are what Estes considers 'living with grace.'

Estes bounced back from his losses, but still reflects on the past to keep a positive perspective on what is really important.

"There are so many of us who go through really difficult times of pain and loss," he said. "And when we're in the heat of it, we like to just think of the better days. A lot of times, when we finally recover, we forget about all that trouble and pain we went through."

Estes paused to display a picture of his face after the accident. It's masked with charcoal-colored third-degree burns, which required a few moments to identify as a person.

"That's when we start to focus on all those tiny things that should not really be consuming us," he added.

Of all the life lessons Estes gained from his recuperation, he said that letting go was one of the most important. In order to grow, he had to let go of his old self and embrace who he is now.

"I tried so hard to be the guy I was before the accident," he said. "But I didn't look like him; people didn't treat me like him. The more I tried to be like him, things went worse for me. Not only did I have to go through a sort of grieving process for Paige, but I also went through that for myself."

Hundreds of Airmen honored Estes with a standing ovation after the speech concluded. Col. Joel Jackson, 22nd Air Refueling Wing commander, then asked the audience "what are you going to do?" should they be in a situation where they can put a stop to alcohol abuse.

Other professional development opportunities were also staggered throughout Wingman Day such as the Airman and Family Readiness Center's Four Lenses class and other courses, covering topics such as a spouse resiliency, dignity and respect, and financial management.

Estes was the last one out of the base theatre, staying late to answer questions and relate to Airmen who had experienced similar tragedies and recoveries in their lives.

"One of my favorite things about coming out here to McConnell is the attitude, teamwork and the feeling for respect for each other is just amazing," said Estes. "It's not something you get in the civilian world. You guys are models; not just for me, but for so many people. I am so lucky to have the chance to spend time with you all."